DPAC received this letter a while ago. At first, it did not make sense. What was Swanee? Then, looking around, we started to make connections with words associated with swans and babies’s swans.
UP THE SWANEE:
Hello, you have reached the SWAN,
kontroller of many Sicknets.
Fancy a stay in one of our private mental health hospitals?
Don’t fret about the cost! The NHS pay us approx £12,000 – £32,000 per week (all dividends boosting a USA owned company).
Long stays are assured.
Correct treatments not guaranteed.
All our staff are lovely (in our opinion), we are talking textbooks enjoying our very rewarding jobs patronising clients, dodging real issues, & creating drug addicts.
On average, we will force you to take 24 pills every 12 hours – so we can stay in our offices, & keep you feeling unwell.
If you don’t swallow, law says it’s OK for you to be thrown to the floor, held down & forcibly injected.
If you dare to raise a little finger to defend yourself, we accuse you of assault, police come, you are blamed.
No, whilst in our “care” you will not be allowed to leave, or go outside. You stay inside, with no fresh air, activities or access to education.
There’s no point us providing that as patients are too drugged to do anything.
Yes, our slick, well oiled sales pitch, aimed at maximising numbers of customers, does give onlookers the impression we provide HOTEL like facilities – a gym for example.
We have an Occupational Therapist. I’m not sure why – in this heat nobody has much motivation…
But our brand new buildings – quickly put up constructions similar to MacDonalds, are a facade.
Seems like patients are on holiday!
There’s even a chef to cook your meals.
Admittedly it’s not homely. It is like living in a glass office 24/7 with approx 30 complete strangers – some of whom are dangerous – full of fear – desperate to go out / escape.
So you’re watched by staff & cameras 24/7.
Staff control everything! What you can read, you are not allowed to write (a pen is a potential weapon). But if you want to cut yourself with razor blades, that’s OK, we can’t watch you all the time! Ha ha. (Even though we are paid to safeguard you).
When you realise you are suffering from EXTREME boredom caused by not doing anything month after month, year after year – you may develop some nasty new habits like trying to gauge your eyeballs out.
It is upsetting for staff. But these side effects are all due to your illness, and part of your recovery. It is a sign of progress! Due to your condition getting worse.
No! None of what you are feeling / suffering is attributable to your environment, or fact you are being tortured by us.
This is new-style USA medical kidnapping, in the UK, with the image all sorted out so it seems palatable to less discerning eyes.
Oh, we don’t worry about inspections, inquests, complaints, or cuts in NHS funding!
Who do you think our shareholders are?
Anyone can invest in our multi-Billion $ business – the funders of NHS Commissioning groups do, MH Trusts… acquire shares – it’s a fast growing industry – very attractive to most (& not repulsive enough to cause disternation amongst those who might see through the sham. Or should I say scam?)
(It suits Conservatives – they cause the conditions that drive folk to distraction – the stressful conditions Tories like to inflict on lower income groups beneath them, increases illnesses – if it’s cogs that go, all drives ’em to our door, so it’s win win for us!
It’s not a revolving door! We let ’em in a door we then keep shut.
That’s all we need to do really – herd ’em in like cattle.
Of course we don’t like deaths! That’s a loss of approx at least £300,000 a year per expired patient.
Quickly replaced by another dying to get in, yes. But we would prefer to get that £300 grand plus get another £300 grand.
Never mind. Our insurance covers us against dead losses.
Luckily for us (on the dark side) nobody has scrutinised deaths caused. Nobody in authority wants to link them!
Each death is explained away by a coroner scattered someplace in the UK, if we get told off a bit for not providing the best care, we promise to improve, and jackpot!
We’ve perfected our operation – our branding – everything – so disgruntled relatives can’t even leave negative comments on our websites. We churn out photos to promote us… I particularly like awards put in our reception areas – so assuring to our customers & clients, reminding them what we do is very rewarding.
Our complaints procedure has become increasingly obscure.
We say one thing, do another. 99% we get away with it. We hire a pretty youngling to listen pseudo sympathetically, then write saying you have got it wrong, the hospital is right. Works like a charm! Complaints fade away like patients
No, we don’t allow 2nd opinions when it’s claimed a patient is misdiagnosed, or put on a wrong ward.
Yes, we do get annoying Nearest Relatives to either put up & shut up, or get lost.
What’s it to us if a patient is 100’s of miles from home with no-one to check on their welfare?
Do we help alleviate the mental health of patients?
A few compliant types – 1 or 2 are released. We love it when the grateful sing our praises – that’s good PR.
If discharged into the community – you still have to take all the drugs, or you are sent back on a Section.
So, we create the illusion we do, but we don’t.
If you say you have a mental health problem, I’ll give it a name, I’ll tie you in knots – you haven’t got a degree in psychobabble, but I have – I get paid to confuse you, throw the weight of the establishment on you and they will back me, not you…because… I am omnipotent… so big & powerful…
What’s the point in making patients better?
That is counter productive for us. You do see that, don’t you?
Ethics? What’s that got to do with us? We are not in the business of selling ethics! We’re here (to exploit and) make money. From drug sales…
Yes, we are fundamentally (excuse the pun) very different from the founding NHS principles. The NHS aim to get you better double quick.
We do not need a heart, soul, or conscience to make huge profits. We only care about acceptably fixing figures so attractive sums end up in offshore accounts.
I should care about tricking people, destroying quality of lives, futures?
No thanks, the money does me. Their mental health has gone to pot. My pot!
So, when are you signing up to join us?
You can trust in me, I’m a professional.